dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
