1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We need to get me chipped asap
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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