if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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