you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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