You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
