Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
