he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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