so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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