i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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