Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
