Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
