this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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