You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
