honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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