why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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