Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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