I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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