Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
