I seem to have left my pride at pride
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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