you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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