Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
