I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
