I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
