I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
