On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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