We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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