i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
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its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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I am one with the molecules
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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