All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
