I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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