Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
