On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i dont even know how to be here
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
