I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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