She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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