So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
