WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You're so nebulous sometimes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
