pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
