I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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