Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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