She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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