just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.