Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.

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(503): View more from Oregon

why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?

(541): View more from Oregon

I don't know but we should still do that

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(925): View more from California

anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.

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(519): View more from Ontario

dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(508): View more from Massachusetts

I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"

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(516): View more from New York

i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.

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(540): View more from Virginia

i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing

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(804): View more from Virginia

Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.

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