Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."