Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.

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  (704): I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless. http://tfl.nu/pksh
  Replies (14) Good night (682) Bad night (1349)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.

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  (919): I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen. http://tfl.nu/75lv
  Replies (32) Good night (1413) Bad night (2914)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.

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  (847): i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1. http://tfl.nu/5eb0
  Replies (46) Good night (1845) Bad night (5744)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.

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  (214): You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle. http://tfl.nu/y634
  Replies (14) Good night (4275) Bad night (1184)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.

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  (425): Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange. http://tfl.nu/6ccw
  Replies (19) Good night (1309) Bad night (5488)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.

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  (703): the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years. http://tfl.nu/s9g1
  Replies (8) Good night (1028) Bad night (5009)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.

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  (623): I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard. http://tfl.nu/xo35
  Replies (21) Good night (2537) Bad night (746)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt

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  (410): halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt http://tfl.nu/2dpk
  Replies (8) Good night (2836) Bad night (653)
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  (858): View more from California

  I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?

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  (858): I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again? http://tfl.nu/4q23
  Replies (4) Good night (1258) Bad night (555)
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  (315): View more from New York

  That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?

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  (315): That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad? http://tfl.nu/bcm2
  Replies (13) Good night (1394) Bad night (474)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?

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  (610): How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too? http://tfl.nu/27f3
  Replies (2) Good night (200) Bad night (422)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets

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  (561): I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets http://tfl.nu/vj1n
  Replies (1) Good night (326) Bad night (397)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.

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  (706): But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it. http://tfl.nu/x7s2
  Replies (1) Good night (263) Bad night (511)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.

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  (908): The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling. http://tfl.nu/4o2r
  Replies (2) Good night (504) Bad night (193)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave

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  (432): I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave http://tfl.nu/lzps
  Replies (7) Good night (417) Bad night (276)

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