I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So much rum. So many feels.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.