i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
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She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.