I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
