why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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