It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize