I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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