He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
