that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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