I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize