I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
