:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize