My nipple is on Facebook.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize