he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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