I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
