if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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