throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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