Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?