i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
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You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you