Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog