pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?