I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do