what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.