It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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