I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Two words: blizzard sex
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize