Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
