Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
