I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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