I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
