dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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